It's a jungle out there

Lately, during my lunchtime walks, I've noticed quite a few people with clipboards.  I'm always leery of someone loitering at a busy corner with a big old clipboard.  Another survey, another cause, another person I need to avoid.  It doesn't matter what the topic is, I'd just rather not participate.  It is not what I have planned for my lunch hour.  In my mind, these folks are like lions, lying in wait outside all the popular watering holes.  And me?  I'm an old zebra with sore knees - an easy target.  Luckily, I have found a number of alternate routes that usually keep me in the clear.

Sometimes, despite my best efforts, I cannot avoid walking past someone who would like to thrust their clipboard at me.  In these instances, I employ a few choice strategies.  As I approach, I avoid all eye contact and attempt to maximize the distance between them and me.  If I sense they are looking my way, I may make a point of glancing at my watch and grimacing - the international sign for "I'm running late.  Do not bother me." Once, an untimely "Don't Walk" signal forced me to wait at a corner with one of these animals.  Thinking quickly, I pretended to get a call on my cell phone - it was pretty effective except I felt sort of silly carrying on a fake conversation until the light changed.  By far, the best strategy is the sacrifice play.  As you approach, find someone else walking nearby and adjust your gait and location such that this person is between you and the stalker.  The clipboard creature is an opportunistic hunter - it will attack the closest prey.  This gives you an opportunity to scoot on past.  If you are unable to scoot, at least try to muster a scamper, you have a limited escape window.

Now, I don't always have to avoid these predators.  Sometimes, they ignore me.  When I see someone with a clipboard in the distance I usually watch them for awhile to see what sort of prey they're after.  Are they grabbing anyone or targeting a specific group?  Sometimes they are only interested in talking to college-aged passers-by.  I like those occasions when they are ignoring my demographic.  Like a pilot fish swimming with a shark, I can walk beside this data hunter without fear of attack.

There is one last strategy that I have considered but not tried.  After studying their habits, I have noticed that these creatures never seem to attack each other.  We have some clipboards in the office.  Some day, I may just bring one with me on my walk.