Pajama Man

My hand hurts.  It's not a sharp pain, just an annoying ache when I make a fist or try to grip something tightly.  I can't even point to a specific spot that hurts although I think it's mostly in the region around my pinky and ring fingers.  Some days it hurts more than others.  Most days, it doesn't hurt at all.  I suppose if I kept track of all this I might find that I could predict the weather or something based on my hand pain.  I have no interest in doing this.  There are plenty of fine sources of weather forecasts on the internet that I trust more.  Because I work on a computer all day, some may assume my hand pain is a work-related repetitive stress injury, carpal tunnel syndrome or one of its cousins.  This is not the case.  I remember clearly when I injured my hand and it most definitely was not work related.

Imagine a winter night.  I can't remember exactly how many years ago - more than five, less than fifteen.  It was one of those cold January nights.  The night seemed all the colder because we'd just had a few days of warmer than normal temperatures.  But now, winter was back with a vengeance.  It was a Friday night.  Normally, our garbage is picked up on Friday mornings but the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday had pushed everything back a day.  The garbage would be picked up tomorrow, early Saturday morning.

I had a decision to make.  The garbage can was still up by the house.  It needed to be placed by the curb before the trucks came by in the morning.  I could go now or wake up early and go then.  The thought of climbing out of nice warm bed early on a Saturday morning was not appealing.  I decided to do it now, despite the fact that I was already in my pajamas.  Now, I know some kids these days like to wear pajama as regular clothes.  I am not a kid and I prefer to not be parading about in my pajamas.  Really, if you saw me I'm sure you'd agree.  But, it was late and the task was a quick one. The neighbors were not likely to be looking out their windows.  In retrospect, I should probably have donned a winter coat and boots.  The coat would have provided some warmth plus it would have covered the long sleeve purple tee shirt and good part of the red plaid flannel pants.  The boots would have been far superior to the slightly over-sized slippers I was wearing.  In my defense, this is a quick task.  Our garbage can has wheels on it.  On a clear driveway, it takes about four seconds to run it down to the curb - another four to get back in the house and you're done.  In the time it takes to put on a coat and boots you could have completed the job.

And so I set out.  I left the driveway light off so as not to draw undue attention.  I grabbed the garbage can and began racing down the driveway, pushing it ahead of me.  The over-sized slippers gave me some difficulty but once I got up to speed I was okay.  The driveway had looked clear as far as I could see.  The spate of warm days had melted and dried most of the usual crud that builds up over the winter.  This allowed me to positively fly down the driveway, even with the floppy slippers.

I never saw the chunk of ice.  Apparently, it had dislodged from one of our vehicles and then refroze to the driveway, about two-thirds of the way down.  When the garbage can hit the ice, it stopped like it had hit a brick wall.  I did not.  My floppy slippers offered me no maneuverability and I continued on a straight trajectory over the can.  Yes, Pajama Man was briefly flying.  And then, I was landing, crashing really.  As I hit the pavement, I put out my arms to break my fall.  I came down hardest on my left hand, arm and shoulder.  I lay there for a moment, unsure of what had just happened, wondering if anyone had witnessed it.  It occurred to me that if someone had seen me fall that they were likely watching me now, possibly trying to decide if they should call 911.  I got up quickly and tried to look healthy.  I carefully lifted the can over the ice and finished placing it at the curb.

I didn't notice any pain until I was back in the house.  My left hip, shoulder and arm all hurt.  By morning, I was feeling mostly better except my hand hurt a little.  Kind of like it does today.