My Pants Feel Wrong

Malls can be such noisy places.  A couple of months ago, I was at a mall doing a little Christmas shopping.  I suppose the place might be quieter now, but at the time it was busy.  I don't generally like crowds, but when I'm browsing I like at least a few other people around.  If there's no one else around, there's a better chance a sales clerk will interrupt my browsing by trying to be helpful.  I don't need much help when I'm browsing, I'm pretty good at it all by myself.

That day, I was browsing.  As is often the case, I forgot exactly what I was shopping for as soon as I entered the store.  The crowds, the displays, the music...it all worked to disorient me.  I began browsing, hoping that as I acclimated, I would remember why I was there.  Slowly the clouds thinned.  I was shopping for something for my wife.  Something, but what?

I wandered around the store a bit longer, hoping to happen upon something that would spark my memory.  As I walked, I was suddenly aware that my pants felt wrong.  "Different" might be a better way of describing it.  It was subtle, but something had definitely changed.  My pants felt less secure.  Perhaps my zipper was down, it kind of felt like that.  I immediately turned my back to the crowds and took an intense interest in some plates displayed against a back wall.  Before I could check my zipper, the sensation passed and I felt normal again.  I checked anyway - the zipper was fine.

I left the store and started to make my way to another one.  Before I could get there, the sensation returned.  This bothered me enough that I decided to just go home instead.  As I walked back to the car, things returned to normal once again.  Before starting for home I decided to call my wife and let her know I was on my way.  After failing to find my phone in my coat pocket, I remembered that I'd slipped it into my front pants pocket before entering the mall.  I'd put it on vibrate since I knew I would never hear it inside.  Oh, look at that, I missed two calls.