I have no swagger

I have concluded that I have a very uncool walk.  I've suspected this for quite some time and I think I'm finally secure enough about myself to admit it.  My stride is efficient and smooth but, when I catch my reflection, it looks a tad uptight or aloof.  As I stroll along, there is no sway in my shoulders.  From the waist up there is very little motion at all.  I assume my hips have ball joints but I could maintain my walk with simple hinges.

I was thinking about this yesterday, as I walked during lunch.  My super-white-boy rigid gait was all the more obvious as I followed a young man with a pronounced swagger.  As I trailed him, I analyzed his movements.  Each step seemed to be driven from his thighs.  His left leg would lurch forward, pulling him slightly to the left.  His right leg would then counter, keeping him moving mostly forward.  Every step included a low dip to the shoulder of the driving leg.  The back and forth motion was mesmerizing, like watch the speed skaters in the Olympics.  I found my head bobbing slightly to his movements.

I thought about mimicking his movements but I felt it best to wait until I wasn't right behind him. Imitation may be the most sincere form of flattery but not when it's confused with mocking.  I turned up a side street and walked until I found a quiet, isolated spot.  Then, slowly, I began to employ the motions I'd observed.  I was surprised at how quickly I found myself locked in the new groove.  I felt much cooler although walking this new way took more effort.  I wasn't certain if this was just because it was new to me or if my old way was just more efficient.  I suspected the latter.

I turned the corner and passed by the large glass windows of a vacant building.  I studied my reflection as I sauntered on by.  I did not see an uptight or aloof person.  No, what I observed was a person who was perhaps a bit drunk.  My attempt at swagger was definitely coming off as stagger.  I reverted to my highly efficient robotic stride and returned to work.