Recital

“I really don’t want to do this.”

The voice from the back seat dripped with despair and anxiety. I drove on, listening to muffled sobs, trying to think of something reassuring to say. Nothing I tried seemed to help. We were driving to my son’s first piano recital and he was nervous and scared. I tried to project an air of calm confidence but I knew how he felt and I knew there were few ways to make it better.

“I’m going to embarrass myself. Dad, I really really don’t want to do this. I’m scared.”

His pleading tore at my heart but I drove on. We pulled into a parking spot, I turned off the engine and we sat. I watched as other cars pulled up and people hustled to the building. Most of them had that grand-parent look to them. I didn’t see any other students - probably already inside, I surmised. We didn’t have an entourage. Not because we don’t have people who would have been interested but because we neglected to note the date of the recital on our calendar. We would have missed it completely except we had a lesson the night before and his teacher mentioned that we should be here by 7. My wife and older son were already committed to a boy scout camp-out. It was just the two of us and the thirteen other students and their extended families. N felt unprepared and I felt like it was partly my fault. That fact made his sobs all the more painful to me.

He was in a good mood earlier. I’d picked out some nice clothes and he’d eagerly gotten dressed. We had thirty minutes before we needed to leave so I suggested he run through his piece once. The piece is entitled “March of the Gnomes”, chosen by his teacher because she learned of his love of gnomes. N decided to perform it while wearing a gnome-style hat with an attached beard. He took my advice and sat down at our piano, adjusted his hat, and began. He played through the piece almost perfectly, probably the best he’s ever done it. He smiled, obviously proud.

I began preparing to leave. I told N that, after such a good run through, it might be best to step away from the piano and leave on a high note. He did not heed my advice. He wanted to try one more time, just to see if he could get it perfect. He tried. This time there were a couple of rougher spots. Upset with himself, he launched into a third attempt. More mistakes. I looked at the clock, we needed to leave. Crying now, he tried a frantic fourth time. Midway through the piece, he lost his place completely. This had never happened to him before. Panic set in as I shuffled him out the door and into the car.

As we sat in the parking lot, I explained that even if he didn’t want to perform, we still had to go inside and talk to his teacher. She was expecting him and he couldn’t just not show up. N has a great deal of respect for his teacher and I explained that she may be able to help him feel better. We went inside.

The recital room was packed. Fourteen families turns out to be quite a crowd. Most of the other kids were sitting up front, in a row of chairs off to the side of the piano. We found his teacher and I explained the situation. She tried to calm N down with some breathing exercises. I sat down in the audience. N sat next to me, clutching his music and his gnome hat.

A couple of minutes later, the last student arrived. The teacher brought all the other students together in a huddle near the piano. I urged N to join them to hear what last-minute instructions she was giving. He reluctantly complied and positioned himself on the outskirts of the group, occasionally glancing back at me.

As the huddle broke, I watched as his teacher gently put a hand on N’s shoulder and guided him over to an open chair along student’s row. Without really thinking, he sat down at the end of the row of chairs, beside another little boy clutching a sheet of music. He sat and stared back at me, still unsure how he had gone from sitting next to me to suddenly sitting at the front of the room. He looked scared, probably because he was scared.

As the teacher began her introductory remarks,I checked the program, hoping that N would be playing near the beginning. Sitting in that chair, waiting to face the crowd seemed like torture. I just wanted it over with. Alas, I looked to see that eleven other students would play before him. So much for getting it over with quickly.

Soon, the recital was underway. I alternated my attention from the piano to my son, trying to assess his mood. As the night progressed, I detected a slight improvement in his demeanor. Gradually, he was focusing less on me and the crowd and more on the other students and their performances. He almost, almost looked like he was enjoying himself.

Finally, his turn came. The crowd chuckled as he strode up to the piano in his gnome hat and beard, but he looked serious. After a brief moment to compose himself, he started playing. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t too bad either, certainly on par with his peers. He finished, stood, pulled off the gnome hat and bowed a big bow. He was all smiles as he returned to his seat.

After the last performance, the room turned into a sea of motion as parents and grand-parents reunited with their pianists. N was a bundle of excited happiness as he received congratulatory remarks from some of the other adults in the group. He posed at the piano and I took a picture to capture this triumphant moment.

On the drive home, the voice from the back seat was a happy, chatty one as he worked through expelling the pent up energy of the night. A couple of my favorite quotes I heard as I drove:

“I don’t know for sure if how I feel now is worth how I felt before, but I think it is.”

and

“I’m so happy that, I think if someone slapped me, I’d still be happy!”

Me too.

Rod, again - Chapter 26, Off the cuff

From his perch behind the buffet table, Chet surveyed the crowd. Rico had been right, things had gone well. He’d received compliments on everything from the appetizers to the cake. Cindy’s father had taken great care to make sure the guests knew there would soon be a restaurant where they could enjoy this fare any time. Chet was almost done cleaning up; most of his helpers had long since gone and he was anxious to go home and relax as well. He moved around the table and then pushed it against the wall. The DJ was getting set up and Chet helped him move more tables to create a small dance floor.

Rod leaned back and looked at Cindy. He thought about the nervousness he’d felt earlier in the day and wondered how he ever could have doubted himself. Cindy noticed him looking at her and smiled.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“Nothing. I’m just very happy right now.” Rod replied.

“Me too. I’ve never been happier. It’s been a good day, Rod. There’s only one thing left for us to do.”

Rod looked at her quizzically.

Cindy nodded at the DJ, who had just started playing the song they’d chosen for their first dance. “Let’s go, honey. The people demand to see you dance.”

Rod groaned and then grinned. “They don’t know what they’re asking for. They’ll be sorry...”

Rod led Cindy to the center of the makeshift dance floor and the two danced slowly. As they moved around the room, Rod felt every eye on him. He couldn’t wait for other people to join them. Sensing his discomfort, Cindy urged Debbie and Rico to join them as they glided past. Soon, a handful of couples were dancing as the first song melted into the next.

Cindy looked at Rod and nodded toward Debbie. “I think you owe her at least one dance, don’t you?”

“Are you sure?” Rod asked. “It wouldn’t bother you?”

Cindy laughed. “Oh, it’s no bother. I plan on dancing with Rico, the soon-to-be male model. I think I can cope.”

They glided over and switched partners. Rico and Cindy disappeared into the crowd of dancers. Rod looked down at Debbie. “Thanks for everything.” he said. “You’re a good person and a real friend.”

“I’m glad you found someone, Rod.” Debbie replied, happily.

The two moved together easily and didn’t speak again until the song was over. Debbie looked up at Rod and said. “Goodbye, Rod.”

“Goodbye, Debbie.” Rod said, stepping away. As he did so, he felt a momentary tug on his sleeve - so transient that he might have imagined it. Rod wondered if maybe Debbie had grabbed him, just for an instant, instinctively. Maybe her brave face was just a facade. He looked at her, but she showed no hint of being anything but happy. Maybe it was his own wishful thinking, Rod thought. Maybe, deep down, he wanted Debbie to be more broken up about seeing him get married.

Rico felt the sweat beading on his forehead as he danced with Cindy. He didn’t know her very well and it felt awkward to have his hand on her side. He was grateful when the song ended and he could step back. Unfortunately, as he pulled his hand away, the button on the sleeve of his suit coat caught on Cindy’s pit pocket and he accidentally pulled her closer.

“S-s-sorry. My sleeve got caught on something.” Rico explained as he freed himself and stepped back.

“It’s okay Rico.” Cindy replied, smiling. “Thanks for the dance.”

Rico reunited with Debbie and the two danced a couple of more songs before making an early exit. On her way out, Debbie stopped by the DJ and requested Neil Sedaka’s “I Go Ape”. The song had been a favorite of Rod’s, although she wasn’t sure if he still liked it or not. She hoped he would appreciate the gesture but she wasn’t hanging around long enough to find out. She was much more interested in spending some quiet time with Rico. Plus, they needed to work out some logistics regarding his trip back with her. The two returned to her hotel room, where they talked and spent entirely too much time on the phone with the airline, trying to arrange seats together on the flight to Minnesota. Finally, around two o'clock in the morning, Rico left to pack, promising to return to the hotel by seven-thirty so they could ride together to the airport.

Debbie laid down and closed her eyes. It had been a tiring but pleasant day. Before long, she was sleeping soundly and didn’t stir until the muffled sounds of other residents passing through the hall woke her. Debbie rolled over and squinted at the bedside clock and then sat up suddenly when she realized it was after seven. She quickly climbed out of bed and picked out some comfortable traveling clothes. After a brief bathroom visit, she hurriedly packed her bags, pausing briefly when she felt a hard lump in the fabric of her orange dress. Odd, she thought, I thought I gave Rico the last Chiclet. She shrugged to herself and stuffed the dress into her bag as she heard a knock on the door. It was Rico. He grabbed her bag and they were off.

Meanwhile, across town at another hotel, Rod crawled about on his hands and knees scanning the floor while his new bride slept. He’d searched the room twice already and knew there was little chance he’d find anything this time either. The diamond cuff-link was gone. Maybe no one would ever ask him about it. Maybe, just maybe, it could be his secret.

The End.

Rod, again - Chapter 25, I could sure use some gum.

Debbie returned to her seat and smiled at Rico. He smiled back and she leaned over for a kiss. Rico abruptly turned away and looked forward.

“Ah, y-you may not want to do that.” Rico stammered.

“Why wouldn’t I want to kiss you?” Debbie asked, cautiously.

“Well,” Rico began. “While you were gone, I noticed Chet walking across the courtyard. I went over to say hi and stuff. Anyway, he’s getting all the food ready and he’s kind of nervous. One of his helpers messed up a recipe and made it too strong, you know, for Rod’s taste.”

“Rico, what’s this have to do with you kissing me?” Debbie asked.

“I’m getting to it.” Rico continued. “I told Chet it was probably fine but he didn’t think so. He let me try a bite so I could test it. Anyway, he was right. It was real strong. Chet decided to throw out the whole batch.”

“And?” Debbie prodded Rico.

“And I’ve got some nasty garlic breath.” Rico confessed.

Debbie sighed in relief. “Hang on.” she said, crossing her arms casually. Rico watched as Debbie fidgeted slightly and then uncrossed her arms and opened her hand. She held a single spearmint Chiclet.

“Here,” Debbie offered. “Take this. Sorry if it’s a little warm.”

Rico took the gum from Debbie and slowly put it in his mouth. Unaware of the existence of pit pockets, he attributed Debbie’s resourcefulness  to some sort of ninja-magic. He stole one last glance at her as the ceremony began.

The wedding itself was simple, tasteful and wholly uneventful. Even Miss Trudy, perched on Patsy’s lap in the front row, kept her hissing to a minimum. The couple had only recently begun regularly attending a church, yet the pastor, an amicable older woman, had gotten to know them well enough to deliver a personal, if brief, message. The entire ceremony was rather short and most guests spent more time in their chairs before the wedding than during it. Given the lingering heat in the courtyard, no one complained when things ended early.

Chef Chet did not witness the wedding. He was far too busy in the complex’s party room, preparing to receive the couple and their guests. He flitted about, checking on dishes, instructing servers, poking at floral arrangements. His nervousness was infectious and soon much of the staff was on edge. To his credit, Chet realized the affect he was having on them and tried his best to remedy the situation by calming himself. He was helped considerably with this by the appearance of an old friend.

“Rico!” Chet exclaimed. “What are you doing in here? You should be at the wedding!”

“It’s just wrapping up.” Rico explained. “It went a little more quickly than expected. Debbie thought I should give you a heads up that people will be headed this way soon.”

Chet made a mental note that Debbie was now his best friend. “Tell Debbie I can’t thank her enough.” He said, anxiously. “I thought had at least another twenty minutes. Don’t those two have any musical friends? A good solo or two always works to drag a wedding out a bit.”

Rico smiled and looked around the room. “Chet, everything looks and smells awesome! I think you’re ready now! People are gonna love this.”

Chet smiled and took a deep breath. “Thanks Rico. I sure hope so. Cindy’s dad has already agreed to help me get the restaurant going. I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

“You won’t.” Rico assured him. “You thought of everything, you’ve planned carefully and now you’re executing the plan.” Rico realized the staff was watching and listening. “And your staff looks professional and prepared. Chet, this is going to be incredible! Now, take a breath and get ready. I need to scoot out and find Debbie. We’ll be back soon.”

The mood was much more relaxed as Rico left the room. Chet watched him go and wondered when Nina’s order-boy had become so wise.

Rod, again - Chapter 24, Closure

When Cindy returned to check on Rod before the wedding, she found him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. It was evident that something was bothering him. He did not look up when she entered the room.

“Hey Rod, it’s almost time....Rod, honey, are you okay?” Cindy rushed over and sat next to him, taking his hands in hers.

Rod looked at Cindy. “Something doesn’t feel right.” he said.

“What do you mean, Rod? What doesn’t feel right?”

“I don’t know,” Rod said as he stood and tried to loosen the collar on his shirt. “I don’t feel right, that’s all.”

“It’s these silly clothesl.” Cindy declared. “I know they’re not really our style, but it’s just for one day.”

Rod nodded meekly and stared out the window. “Lots of folks out there.” he mused.

Cindy followed his gaze. “Hang on, Rod. I think I know someone who can help you. Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

Cindy hurried out of the room and Rod stepped closer to the window. As he watched the crowd, he noticed Cindy’s friend, Sissy, walk up and say something to Debbie. Debbie stood and the two women walked toward the apartment. Rod was still staring at Debbie’s empty chair when the door opened and Cindy and Debbie walked in.

“Here he is Debbie.” said Cindy. “He says the clothes make him uncomfortable. I figured you’re the clothing expert, so maybe you could help him out.”

Rod stared blankly, first at Cindy, then at Debbie. Before he could speak, Cindy excused herself and left him alone with Debbie.

“You look, great, Rod.” Debbie began. “What’s troubling you? Is it the jacket or the pants?”

Rod shrugged. “It’s fine. The clothes are fine. You shouldn’t have come. Cindy misunderstood.”

Debbie nodded and gave Rod a pained smiled. “What’s really the matter, Rod?”

Rod sighed and collapsed onto the couch. “I don’t know. I thought I was ready, but then I saw you and Rico out there. I mean, you’re beautiful and smart and I guess I realized what a fool I was to leave you way back when. It hit me that if I hadn’t left, we might be hitched by now.”

Debbie sat down next to Rod and put her hand on his shoulder. “Oh Rod, I think you’ve just got some pre-wedding jitters. You can’t project what might have been based on how we are now. We were different people back then and if we’d stayed together, it’s unlikely we’d have turned out anything like we are now. I got my first break in the fashion industry because of someone I met on the bus. If you remember, you used to drive me to work. If you hadn’t left, I would have never been on the bus. And you, what are the chances you would have had your, your...transformation back in Minnesota?”

Rod nodded. “Still, we had some pretty good times and I left for no good reason.”

“You had your reasons, Rod” Debbie said, quietly.

“No. I was happy. You were happy. I just drove away.” Rod whispered.

“Rod, you left because you didn’t love me.” Debbie confided.

“Debbie, that’s not...” Rod began.

“No, it’s okay.” Debbie interrupted. “Rod, I’ve spent more time than I care to admit trying to understand why you left me. I thought we were in love. I thought things were good. But we weren’t in love, I can see that now.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’ve seen you with Cindy. You two have something more than we had. You love her, Rod, everyone can see that.”

Rod blushed and looked back at the window. “I just don’t want to make a mistake.”

“Then don’t.” Debbie remarked, curtly. “Marry her already. Now, I’m going back to my seat.”

Rod smiled. “Thanks Debbie. Please don’t tell Cindy this wasn’t a clothes issue. I don’t want to make her feel bad.”

Debbie nodded and opened the door to leave just as Cindy arrived. “So,” Cindy said, hopefully. “Are you feeling better?”

“Much better.” Rod responded. “I’m ready when you are.”

“Great! I’ll meet you at the altar.” Cindy exclaimed as she and Debbie left the room.

As Debbie turned toward courtyard entrance, Cindy touched her shoulder. “Thank you.” Cindy said, knowingly. “He needed to see you. I knew you could help him.”

Debbie looked at her. “So, you knew this wasn’t about clothes?”

Cindy smiled. “Yeah, but don’t tell Rod. I don’t want him to feel bad.”

“I thought you didn’t like secrets.” Debbie remarked.

“I don’t.” Cindy replied. “Which is why, in twenty or thirty years, I promise to tell Rod that I knew that his discomfort before our wedding was not a clothing issue. Fair enough?”

“Fair enough.” Debbie agreed. “Now, I’m going back to my Rico, er, seat.”

Rod, again - Chapter 23, The groom gets ready

Rod peeked through his window at the courtyard. After mulling many possible wedding venues, the courtyard made the most sense. After weeks of noticing one another around the apartment complex, this was where he and Cindy had first really met. Standing in the rain that night seemed almost like a dream now. Cindy and her mother and friends had done a wonderful job decorating the space. The wedding would start in the early evening, giving the courtyard a chance to cool off a little. Already, most of the guests had arrived and found seats.

Meeting Cindy’s parents had gone well. They were as wonderful as Cindy had assured him. Given how kind Cindy was, he should have expected it. Rod double-checked the diamond cuff-links, a gift from her father. Rod didn’t wear much jewelry, certainly nothing as fancy as these. He’d accepted them graciously but later he and Cindy had shared a laugh about the fact that his cuff-links had more carats than her engagement ring.

Rods mother had also lived up to expectations, meaning things had been rocky with Patsy. She arrived last night with Miss Trudy and her friend Mavis. The three had driven down from northern Minnesota; a trip that took nine days. It would have been quicker, Mavis noted, but Miss Trudy needed frequent stops for fresh air and exercise. Rod wondered what sort of exercise Miss Trudy was doing - from what he could tell, she mostly laid on his mother’s lap and hissed at anyone who looked at her. After nine days of listening to Miss Trudy’s complaining yowl, one would think that Mavis would have been irritated by the slow pace of the trip, but she seemed to be of the same mind as his mother when it came to that cat. Maybe his mother had finally found a friend.

Rod’s mother wasted no time dropping some less than subtle hints that Miss Trudy was available to act as flower cat if they were interested. Cindy tried her best to be tactful but when his mother pulled out the feline-sized white lace dress, she was unable to stifle a sudden chortle. She tried her best to disguise the outburst as a cough, but the room was noticeably more tense. Rod prepared himself for an ugly confrontation but none occurred. His mother was obviously angry, but she chose to internalize it. For this, Rod was grateful.

Rod checked his hair in a mirror and then returned to scanning the crowd. So many people - most of them friends of Cindy. Other than the people at work, Rod didn’t have many friends or family. As he gazed at the crowd, a flash of color caught his eye - a deep orange dress with a floral pattern. He didn’t recognize the woman wearing it at first and he gasped a little when he realized it was Debbie. She was beautiful, that much was certain. She had her arm wrapped around Rico’s as the two shared a laugh. Rod watched them and tried to understand the emotion he was feeling; envy? anger? nostalgia? He wasn’t sure what he felt, but it bothered him that he felt anything at all. He turned away from the window just as Cindy popped into the room.

“Hi there handsome,” Cindy said, cheerily. “You look almost good enough to marry.”

Rod smiled. “Thanks, you look beautiful yourself. Your dress is incredible.”

“Why thank you, but Debbie really deserves the credit. Did you notice that she made it?”

“I think I may have seen her out there with Rico.” Rod admitted.

Cindy scanned the crowd. “Oh, there she is! Rod, look at the two of them, they look so happy! Isn’t it just super that they found each other?”

“Yeah, they look happy.”

Cindy kissed Rod and the cheek as she headed out of the room. “Well, Mr. Piston, I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t gotten cold feet. It won’t be too long now! I need to check on my parents, they’re stressing about your mother’s cat. Don’t worry though, it’ under control.”

As Cindy left, Rod took another look at the woman in the deep orange dress and tried to assess the temperature of his feet.