Recently, in a small group at my church we were discussing belonging in general and belonging to God specifically. The question was raised about where we felt most strongly that sense of belonging or closeness to God. As I pondered the question, others offered their responses. As is usually the case in these sorts of situations, I said nothing. This is partly because it is not in my nature to speak in groups like this but mostly because I was still trying to figure out the answer.
The question hung with me after the group dismissed. Back home, I settled onto the couch and mulled it over some more. I thought at first it was nature - I recalled how I felt on our vacation to Yellowstone this past summer. Or maybe it was family - last week, I came home from work and my youngest son ran across the room and leaped into my arms. He's thirteen now, and the force almost knocked me down ala Fred Flintstone getting greeted by Dino. Still, in that moment of embrace, God was surely there.
Speaking of our Yellowstone vacation, we spent most nights in hotels just outside the park. As an early riser, this meant I had my share of mornings waiting for the rest of the crew to awake and get dressed so we could be on our way. For the most part, I'm okay with this because I don't mind a little alone time, especially in the morning. We did have one wonderful night staying in a cabin in the park next to Old Faithful. It wasn't wonderful because of the cabin. It was a little too small for the four of us - I ended up sleeping on the floor. No, it was wonderful because in the morning I could get up and walk in the park while the others slept.
Our cabin was near Old Faithful so I naturally started my walk in that direction. As I approached the geyser, I took the boardwalk around to the far side. I had my camera with me and I found a spot where I could get a decent shot the next time it blew. For the time being, I turned my back on Old Faithful and gazed across a field of other geysers connected by boardwalks. The air was cool and trickles of steam rose from various places in the distance. Other than a couple of joggers, the boardwalks were empty. It was quiet. It was spectacular.
As I stood there doing absolutely nothing, I gradually became aware of more people around me. I turned around to find that Old Faithful was almost due to erupt. I dutifully, readied my camera and took too many pictures of it. Even as I was watching the water and steam shoot into the sky a part of me was secretly wishing it would finish already so all the people would go away and I could return to my quiet. Alas, the morning was getting late and I realized any chances of solitude were gone.
Solitude. For me, God is there in solitude. As an introvert, I've always appreciated the restorative power of a little alone time, but I think this is something deeper. I probably get up an hour earlier than I really need to every day during the work week. That extra hour is spent with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. Or, if the paper isn't there yet, just a cup of coffee and my thoughts. In some ways this "me time" is probably as important as the previous night's sleep in preparing me for the day ahead. But, I also get up early on Saturday mornings. On Saturdays, I take my coffee to the back porch where I watch the morning light sneak across my lawn, turning night to day. I can easily spend an hour or more doing absolutely nothing but being in that moment. This feels more than regenerative. It's more like communion as a sense of peace and belonging pervades my consciousness.
So, I guess I have my answer. I still won't probably offer it up in a group, but I guess that's what this blog is for.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Thursday, September 17, 2015
My Summer Smell
I love Costco. Luckily for me, the nearest one is just far enough away that I don't go there too frequently. This is a good thing, because I have never left there without at least a couple of hundred dollars worth of 'deals'. I mean, it's hard to resist a reasonably priced pallet of toilet paper. It's not like we're going to wake up some day and decide we don't need it anymore (at least, I hope that doesn't happen). Same thing goes for soap and paper towels. The only good reason not to buy it is if you physically don't have the storage space.
Food is a different story. You need to really understand shelf life, freezer space, family consumption rates, and other metrics before buying at Costco levels. We've had some hits and some misses in this category but for the most part we now know what we like and what we can manage. Buying food at Costco before a party is almost joyful - finally, I'm shopping for a family of 20, as Costco intended. No need to fear bulk.
Early this summer, my wife and I were shopping at Costco. We were getting ready to check out when I remembered that I was almost out of deodorant. I made a quick dash to get new supplies. My normal brand has a 'Fresh' scent which is fairly mild and smells a little like soap to me. I've purchased it at Costco before but, sadly, it was not option on that day.
My choices were meager. There were a few overly floral options whose packaging indicated they were clearly intended for 'ladies'. They had no gender-neutral products, which is what I would have preferred. Instead, I found myself staring at a handful of manly sweat-blockers. After sniffing a couple, my smell receptors were so overcome with musk that I couldn't fully discern any difference. I did my best to narrow my selection down to two that I thought had the mildest scent. I presented them to my wife to let her decide how I should smell for the summer. She deemed them to be equally offensive but left it up to me. I should have left them both behind. I should have stopped at Target and picked up my usual brand. I should have, but I was at Costco. The two products smelled similar and were priced similar but one came as a 5-pack and the other as a 6-pack. I spotted the deal and went with the 6-pack.
From the very start, I didn't like the way I smelled. It turns out the little scratch-n-sniff spot on the product package was quite a bit milder than the real deal. It wasn't that the odor was offensive, it just wasn't me. More importantly, it wasn't how I wanted to be perceived. And I had 6 containers of the stuff.
It didn't take long before my closet started reeking of my new-found spiciness. I learned to hold my breath when pulling on a T-shirt to avoid getting a sniff of the new me. Even the washing machine couldn't fully erase it. In public, I was aware of how I smelled. I took some comfort in this but feared the day would come when I would no longer notice, when I finally embraced the stench. I was still on container #1.
Then one day I was wandering through the grocery store, picking up a few essentials for dinner that night. On a whim (whoohoo!), I ventured into the deodorant aisle and found my old brand. They were having a sale on 2-packs, a face-saving gesture of mercy if I could just accept that the 6-pack was a mistake - a foolish choice made under the influence of Costco. I could. I felt a certain giddiness as I put the 2-pack in my cart. I can honestly say I have never been so excited about buying deodorant.
It's been a few weeks now and my clothes have finally lost the last traces of the other me. I still have 5 unopened containers of the stuff in a drawer at home. They're perfectly fine, and I'm sure they'd be great for the right person. Someday I'll get around to donating them and hopefully they'll wind up in the pits of someone who can appreciate them.
Food is a different story. You need to really understand shelf life, freezer space, family consumption rates, and other metrics before buying at Costco levels. We've had some hits and some misses in this category but for the most part we now know what we like and what we can manage. Buying food at Costco before a party is almost joyful - finally, I'm shopping for a family of 20, as Costco intended. No need to fear bulk.
Early this summer, my wife and I were shopping at Costco. We were getting ready to check out when I remembered that I was almost out of deodorant. I made a quick dash to get new supplies. My normal brand has a 'Fresh' scent which is fairly mild and smells a little like soap to me. I've purchased it at Costco before but, sadly, it was not option on that day.
My choices were meager. There were a few overly floral options whose packaging indicated they were clearly intended for 'ladies'. They had no gender-neutral products, which is what I would have preferred. Instead, I found myself staring at a handful of manly sweat-blockers. After sniffing a couple, my smell receptors were so overcome with musk that I couldn't fully discern any difference. I did my best to narrow my selection down to two that I thought had the mildest scent. I presented them to my wife to let her decide how I should smell for the summer. She deemed them to be equally offensive but left it up to me. I should have left them both behind. I should have stopped at Target and picked up my usual brand. I should have, but I was at Costco. The two products smelled similar and were priced similar but one came as a 5-pack and the other as a 6-pack. I spotted the deal and went with the 6-pack.
From the very start, I didn't like the way I smelled. It turns out the little scratch-n-sniff spot on the product package was quite a bit milder than the real deal. It wasn't that the odor was offensive, it just wasn't me. More importantly, it wasn't how I wanted to be perceived. And I had 6 containers of the stuff.
It didn't take long before my closet started reeking of my new-found spiciness. I learned to hold my breath when pulling on a T-shirt to avoid getting a sniff of the new me. Even the washing machine couldn't fully erase it. In public, I was aware of how I smelled. I took some comfort in this but feared the day would come when I would no longer notice, when I finally embraced the stench. I was still on container #1.
Then one day I was wandering through the grocery store, picking up a few essentials for dinner that night. On a whim (whoohoo!), I ventured into the deodorant aisle and found my old brand. They were having a sale on 2-packs, a face-saving gesture of mercy if I could just accept that the 6-pack was a mistake - a foolish choice made under the influence of Costco. I could. I felt a certain giddiness as I put the 2-pack in my cart. I can honestly say I have never been so excited about buying deodorant.
It's been a few weeks now and my clothes have finally lost the last traces of the other me. I still have 5 unopened containers of the stuff in a drawer at home. They're perfectly fine, and I'm sure they'd be great for the right person. Someday I'll get around to donating them and hopefully they'll wind up in the pits of someone who can appreciate them.
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