Test Day

The clock reads nine P.M. but I'd swear it was midnight.
I don't feel nauseous anymore, so that's good.
I'm sitting on the floor with my back against our new sofa.
Images flit across the television but I'm not really watching.
I've spent most of the day sitting yet I am exhausted.
Today was the day we took our son to the clinic.
Today was the day doctors looked closely at his heart and body.
Today was the day we found out whether he was hiding an illness.
Being at the clinic transported me back twenty years.
When a different son was having his heart looked at.
When every test seemed to yield the most dire outcome.
Even though I told myself the situations were very different,
I've been conditioned to expect the worst.
In the waiting room, I watched parents with their baby.
I remember being them.
Brave faces, tight smiles.
Trying hard to ignore how terrified you feel inside.
And now I'm back and I am them again.
But today was different.
Today the tests returned favorable results.
Our son is healthy.
I think I should feel happier,
But I only have room for one emotion right now,
Relief.